lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
