I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Couch. On fire.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
