i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We got so high we made milksteak
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
