SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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