Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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