I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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