Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
