I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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