His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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