Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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