They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
