I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
