no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's always time for handjobs
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
