Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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