This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
