I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
