Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
