I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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