So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
