just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
