I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
