last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
