the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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