why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize