I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You ruined the universe
Randomize