Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
