You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
