Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
