He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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