the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
