Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
