well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
