Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
