I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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