I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
