Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
