Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
