I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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