Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize