when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
