we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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