and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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