I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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