And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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