Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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