I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
