no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize