Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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