a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Soap is not a condiment
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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