Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
