How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
