You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
