So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
