I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
