He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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