i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
