thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
