Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize