I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
