The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
