Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
