So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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