do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
