yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
