My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
